shoot me up

shoot me up, take me back down, leave me here a while and i'm sure i will feel loved again; sometime in the next five hours i'll wake up and remember you and everything might be okay.

until then hang out the washing and take care of my daughter, pretend like i'm sleeping because i'm tired and look in on me every five minutes just to make sure, because you can't be anymore. it's deathday my love, and i thought when i'd die it would be on an elegant bed with velvet covers and my family gathered all around me but that's not what it is, it's me lying on the sofa because i can't walk anymore and you can't carry me up two flights of stairs; it's me unconscious because it's too painful for me to be awake; it's me too scared to tell my family and in the end they'll find out after i'm gone already; it's me not ready, oh god i'm not ready to die i'm not.

memories pierce through my dreams but not where i can see them. my eyesight left me a while ago, i can't remember when exactly because it's just so hard to think straight when i'm living on morphine; my mind feels like a cloud, just hovering in the sky with the rest of me, blue and clear and fading away because the sun is sinking into the land and a storm is coming, a midnight storm. it will rain, but you'll find shelter somewhere, i promise - take care of our daughter; let her cry and soak your shoulder with salt and love her for the both of us. i'll remember you both, wherever i go; or wherever i don't; and if i don't go anywhere, i'll be thinking of you both until the very last second.

shoot me up, take me back down, leave me here a while and i'm sure i will love you forever; sometime in the next five hours i'll never wake up and everything will be okay, when you learn to live again.