ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
peel me apart my love
starting with my fingers
lift back my nails and
just keep on going
watch as my skeleton
reveals itself, opening
its own closet it seems
don't be scared away
when you get past my elbows
you start to see what's
really underneath - the lies
the black disgusting dirt
that even soap and hot water
can never seem to rinse
embedded in my flesh, coating
my arteries and my veins
the doctors say i'm just a
pessimist, a skeptic, somebody
who can never see the good in
themselves.
but oh god, tell me now please
what good is there to see?
a walking skeleton cast in
gold i stole from other graves
nothing but filth beneath my
deceiving outer layers
scrape it away my love, don't
be scared - see if there's anything
worth scavenging, at all.
starting with my fingers
lift back my nails and
just keep on going
watch as my skeleton
reveals itself, opening
its own closet it seems
don't be scared away
when you get past my elbows
you start to see what's
really underneath - the lies
the black disgusting dirt
that even soap and hot water
can never seem to rinse
embedded in my flesh, coating
my arteries and my veins
the doctors say i'm just a
pessimist, a skeptic, somebody
who can never see the good in
themselves.
but oh god, tell me now please
what good is there to see?
a walking skeleton cast in
gold i stole from other graves
nothing but filth beneath my
deceiving outer layers
scrape it away my love, don't
be scared - see if there's anything
worth scavenging, at all.
Suggested Collections
Featured in Groups
I like the title 
.
-
does the metaphor work well? was the flow consistent?
what did it make you think of?
also, should I replace 'scavenging' with 'loving' in the last line? I'm worried it might clash with the use of 'my love' earlier in the same stanza.
---
thankyou.
. -does the metaphor work well? was the flow consistent?
what did it make you think of?
also, should I replace 'scavenging' with 'loving' in the last line? I'm worried it might clash with the use of 'my love' earlier in the same stanza.
---
thankyou.
© 2010 - 2024 aliceburgundy
Comments10
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
the metaphor is... stunning. and the flow was definitely consistent... this is one of those rare pieces that i really could not look away from.
what did it make me think of... graveyards. and lost love, and heartbreak, and shivers. i wish i could explain all the reasons i think this poem is absolutely amazing, but i don't think i know how.
no... scavenging works perfectly. the whole thing... i think you should leave it just the way it is, it's marvelous. excellent work.
what did it make me think of... graveyards. and lost love, and heartbreak, and shivers. i wish i could explain all the reasons i think this poem is absolutely amazing, but i don't think i know how.
no... scavenging works perfectly. the whole thing... i think you should leave it just the way it is, it's marvelous. excellent work.